Love, feels like heaven, hurts like hell! They say, ‘Everything is fair in love and war!” But is it always true?
Does love give you every right to energize full control and ownership over the other person? Does love make the other person, one of your belongings? The answer to all the questions is, “no.”
Love is not about enslaving the other person who is in a relationship with you. Love has nothing to do with possession. People often seem to forget that.
Here is a list of three things that feel like love, but does not “qualify,” enough to be love: (i) infatuation (ii) lust (iii) (and this is the deadliest one), obsession.
Yes, you read it right, obsession is worse than lust, something which made it to the ‘Seven Deadly Sins.” Obsession is an unhealthy habit which leads to terrible consequences. One can easily say it is a form of mental disorder. A mental disorder, so deadly, that it can result in murder, rape, or any other form of violence.
The very recent incident that caused a stir in Bangladesh was about Khadiza Begum Nargis.
She had been brutally attacked with a machete by her alleged boyfriend, Badrul Alam, an economics department student at Shahjalal University of Science and Technology (SUST).
Shah Paran police OC Shahjalal Munsi said, “We have come to know that Alam and Khadiza were dating. Our initial suspicion is that Alam did this heinous act as he was angry about a recent spate of quarrel with her.”
A video footage of the attack recorded on a mobile phone by a bystander has gone viral in the social media, for everyone to see. This incident caused a huge outrageous in Sylhet. Khadiza was immediately rushed to Osmani Medical College Hospital, while, Alam received a severe public beating.
The SUST authorities suspended Badrul from the University, as well. Although it has been claimed that Alam was the vice-president of SUST Chhatra League, the Chhatra League wing at SUST denied it.
Even, the SUST Chhatra League criticized the attack and demanded punishment for Badrul in their press statement.
Home Minister Asaduzzaman Khan Kamal said whoever had attacked or hacked Khadiza would be brought under punishment. But Khadiza’s condition is critical. The doctors at Square Hospital that she has only 5%-10% chances of surviving.
This sure is a brand new way of taking revenge due to a small fight between the lovers. Throwing acid was also a powerful and brutal way to extract revenge for rejection for marriage or relationship.
Not only females but even men have had their share of grievance as well, being an acid victim. 22-year-old Sadaqat, had been an acid victim when he refused to marry 40-year-old Shamim Banu.
The victim suffered from more than 50% burn on his body. The surprising thing is that this incident had taken place in Pakistan, where it is usually the other way around.
Usually, the women are the victims, but this unfortunate young man had to go through this tragic episode. Shamim Banu had confessed her misdeeds during the initial interrogation.
The tragedy, however, does not end here. Even in marriages, we see such unfortunate incidents.
In Hyderabad, Arun Digambar throttled his wife Suman to death. The most shocking thing is, they had been married for twelve years and had three children.
Arun, was an alcoholic and would often be physically abusive towards his wife. Not only that, but he was also very suspicious of her. When, he came back home drunk, and she refused to serve him dinner, he started blaming her for neglecting her wifely duties, due to her extramarital affair with some other man. Mangalhat inspector R. Srinivas said, “When he found her asleep he strangled her with the sari she was wearing and after making sure that she had died he fled.” Arun was later arrested and taken into custody.
These are only a few instances of how obsession can destroy relationships.
Obsession does not just merely mean being physically abusive due to possessiveness. Mentally abusing someone, and pressurizing them to do something against their will, is also an indicator to break off the relationship or marriage.
Married people, nowadays can get help by going through, marriage counseling. Since marriage is a huge deal and usually involves children and elders, it should be given a second thought, depending on the solution to the problem.
Counseling and therapy might work. But, if there is no marriage involved, then it is best to move out from the relationship.
Unfortunately, for those who suffer from obsession, should address their issues of anger, jealousy, suspicion and so on.
Some individuals also suffer from delusional jealousy and often suspect their partners unnecessarily. This only creates distance between them.
Male alcoholics have been found to be particularly suffering from delusional jealousy. On the other hand, women have obsession issues with people, whom they are dependent on.
Like a friend who was present during their struggle period.
Lastly, if you are on Facebook (or any other social media) stalking someone, like your ex, checking out where they hang out and who they hang out with, even stalking their new love interest, then, unfortunately, you do have obsession issues.
Yes, we all do it once in a while, but it should not be a regular habit and should wear off with time.
The best way to get rid of such behavior is by helping yourself. Giving some time to yourself and loving yourself, first and not waiting for someone else’s approval or validation. Also, talking to a therapist works wonders.
So, do yourself and the world a favor, avoid such people and get them help, do not confuse love with obsession and if you are suffering yourself, then get professional help. That will benefit you in the long run.